you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Never joke about your clitoris.
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