saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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