So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
