he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
