this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize