I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
