actually, I'm a sock model
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
