I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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