Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
