god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and she was petting her beer can
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
