hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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