I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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