sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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