you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
