Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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