Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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