I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
