exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
