I just saw a hot homeless man
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
40s are totally the cure
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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