i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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