So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize