Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize