I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
