Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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