Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
