Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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