Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
