It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've blown a few things in my day
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Randomize
