i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
