I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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