actually, I'm a sock model
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize