Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I am mentally ready for anal.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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