a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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