If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize