i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
