how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
