She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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