Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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