oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
