can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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