as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
