take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
