my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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