So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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