I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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