at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
