His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
