I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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