I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize