We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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