The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I AM VODKA MAN
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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