Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
