How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We are two peas in an std pod
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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