whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
