What a fucking waste of an outfit
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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