Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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