Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
