Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
