So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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