i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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