Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
