Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
