He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
