I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
